By: jesch30 | February 14, 2017

Should you fear encountering a person whose physical body does not match his/her identity while you're in a public bathroom, this 47-year-old woman who identifies as a woman and is tall, thin, and married to a man and has short hair would like you to know that she also fears you. For more than 40 years.

Yes, you.

Whenever I walk into a public bathroom or a locker room, I fear your darting eyes that are rarely quick enough for me to miss. I fear your insensitive words that sting like fire ants. Even if you, personally, would never do such a thing, I fear you anyway because the actions of too many others lump you in with the lot of them.

When friends first hear that I've been called "sir" more times in my lifetime than "ma'am...

By: jesch30 | September 07, 2016

I will not

do shit

just to get

shit done.

Category: Me According to Me 

Tags: mission 

By: jesch30 | September 06, 2016

I grew old

falling short

helping

you.

Category: Me According to Me 

Tags: wake up call 

By: jesch30 | August 13, 2016

my gramp
gets me
every
single
time

we switcherooed

and

i watch him
like he watched me
46 years ago

he asked
nothing then
I ask
nothing now

full circle
full cycle

an open eye

births a new

heart

his lean in
weaves us
tighter still

i go
before
he goes
without me,
a lie known
even before
fully written

he never

goes
he always

lives

full circle
full cycle

Category: Me According to Me 

Tags: oscar 

By: jesch30 | March 03, 2016

fuck

 fucking hell

fucking a

 what the fuck?

fuck this

 fuck that

fuck you

 fuck no

fuck off

[repeat]

Category: Uncategorized 

Tags: fun 

By: jesch30 | February 29, 2016

it does not change
because we
do not
change

we talk
dance
meet
without ever
passing
                go

and then
we meet where we
      started
pretending that
                 this time
is somehow
            different

Category: Culture 

Tags: business 

By: jesch30 | February 23, 2016

bang them sticks
whack them hard
give them everything
you’ve got
until
you’ve got
nothing
left to
give

Category: Creativity 

Tags: go 

By: jesch30 | February 19, 2016

you said you could
so I said you would
but one of us couldn't
now one of us
wouldn't
say such a thing
ever again.

Category: Creativity 

Tags: "gut check" 

By: jesch30 | January 24, 2016

she is the colorado.

siphon

           ed

                p  u   l l   e     d

       div

                 er

           te d at every

bend,

      fertiling distant            lands,

         l   eavi    ng  her

  no

       th  i

   n    g

                        t   o


    dr           i

n

                  k

.   

Category: Me According to Me 

Tags:

By: jesch30 | January 17, 2016

If you change your world,

sights then set

on changing

the whole world

and that is

far harder than

the impossible

already

accomplished.


But,

in the name of all that is right and good,

do not let that stop you.

Category: Be The Change 

Tags: grit 

By: jesch30 | January 04, 2016

I consign myself to constraints.
I make do and make it work.
Grit greases my veins.
I believe I’m the hero.

Today, though,
this tired alien
cannot bear
holding your
hand a moment longer
in hopes you will
one day
walk.
Today
this alien
is letting go.

Category: Me According to Me 

Tags: wake up call 

By: jesch30 | December 29, 2015

All that's left are

I love yous

streaming endlessly 

from this day onward

until

light years away

a transmission is

picked up and parsed

and our love will 

replicate

anew.

Category: Big World 

Tags: oscar 

By: jesch30 | December 24, 2015

Sometimes,

when I get an ear,

my mouth starts running

and I chatter like a child

starved for love.

Category: Me According to Me 

Tags: chatter 

By: jesch30 | December 21, 2015

I took him for granted.


In my defense,

I take everyone

for granted.


I'm not proud of it 

but 

it truly is 

the way it is. 

And I rack my brains

to figure out how it could be

another way

because

it takes a threat 

to spur my action.

Or someone to reach out.

It should not surprise anyone

that I prefer the latter. 

Category: Me According to Me 

Tags: oscar 

By: jesch30 | December 15, 2015

P. Jay toiled and fought 

and we forgot.

He lobbied and testified

and they remained calcified.

My heart breaks 

for my sake.


How long could I go without 

seeing a shift from my efforts?

Could I resist becoming vinegar?

Could I keep on?

Persevere?


On good days, forever.

On bad days, fuck you all.


Hope for good days.


-----

Written after reading "P. Jay Sidney's Crusade to Integrate TV"

by Emily Nussbaum in The New Yorker (12/7/2015)

By: jesch30 | December 14, 2015

They didn't get 

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

or 

30.


They didn't get another

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12.


Their youth

guaranteed

nothing.

Their plans

didn't trump

someone else's.


If you haven't seen the faces

of those who died a month ago 

just living their lives, 

find them all here

Go slow.

Linger on each.

Feel their weight.

Know nothing is a given

and never assume a

14

15

16

17

Category: Big World 

Tags: wake up call 

By: jesch30 | December 13, 2015

You can't wait for me. 

I'm not that kind of gal.

I'm the kind that's good in a jam,

when things get seriously serious.

The kind that springs into action

when there's a piano involved.

A piano

plummeting 

toward someone

I love.

That's my signal. 

Subtle signals don't register.

I wish they did.

They don't. 

So I need you to tell me

when you need me

so I can spring into your action.

Because I want to.

I really want to.

Mom.


Category: Me According to Me 

Tags: wake up call 

By: jesch30 | November 30, 2015

We say we want change

but keep listening

to the same old shit.

Category: Be The Change 

Tags: wake up call 

By: jesch30 | November 29, 2015

Perhaps Vera 

destroyed her letters 

because

she wanted 

only one open book 

in the family. 


-----

Written after reading "Nabokov's Silent Partner

by Judith Thurman in The New Yorker (11/162015)

By: jesch30 | November 28, 2015

What's better?

to show 

and know

or 

to be 

and no one see?


-----

Written after watching episodes of Transparent

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